The Ultimate MatchMaker
by smx underground
Summary: Junko Enoshima was the Ultimate Analyst. This talent had one major downside: everything was predictable, nothing was a surprise anymore. Everything was boring, well, except one thing: Love.
1. Chapter 1

Junko Enoshima was the Ultimate Analyst. As such the way she looked at the world was different than most people. She saw trends in different things as second nature. This talent had one major downside: everything was predictable, nothing was a surprise anymore. Everything was boring, well, except one thing: Love.

It was amazing how illogical it was. Two people could totally be into each other and they wouldn't do anything about it because of stupid doubts. Junko couldn't be the only one who saw it, and yet it was everywhere! It pained her to see the despair of a love lost or worse yet a love never realized at all.

Junko didn't get to exercise her hobby all that much, until she was accepted into Hope's Peak Academy. Her official papers said that she was the Ultimate Analyst, but she had christened herself the Ultimate Matchmaker.

Currently, she was scooting herself under the guise of a cardboard box to a fountain outside of the school that served as halfway point from the Main Academy to the Reserve course. The fountain also served as a meeting place for her two targets. A boy and a girl, both her seniors, and both in the same year.

Hajime Hinata, reserve course student, poor guy wished to be a student of Hope's Peak, but the fact of the matter is, he had nothing. He had put a lot of stock in Talent and would have probably done something stupid were it not for a chance meeting with Target number two.

Chiaki Nanami, the Ultimate Gamer, far and above many leagues above Hajime in many people's opinions. Junko didn't give a damn about things like "leagues". If a couple was meant to be then dammit, it was meant to be. Chiaki found something of a kindred spirit in Hajime. He was no Ultimate gamer, but at least he appreciated gaming.

"Eagle one to Eagle two, come in in Eagle ." Junko called from her box. Her voice low.

"I can hear you, Junko," A voice responded boredly.

"Muku, Please take this seriously." Junko whined.

Mukuro Ikusaba was the Ultimate Soldier and Junko's twin sister. She had gone missing during Middle school to apparently join an elite mercenary group. She came back just as the two entered high school, and Junko, being Junko, enlisted her to become her ultimate soldier of love. Mukuro loved her sister, but she learned quickly how tiring her antics can be.

Mukuro sighed, "Eagle two copies, over"

Mukuro was currently hiding in some bushes, wearing some camouflage, with a pair of binoculars.

"Do you have visual on me?" Junko asked.

"Yeah, I have a solid visual," Mukuro confirmed. There was a not-at-all conspicuous cardboard box scooting itself over to the side of the fountain that lead over to the Reserve Course building.

"I'm going in."

Junko stood up and discarded the box. Her rose-blonde ponytail flowing dramatically in the wind.

"... Was the box really necessary?" Mukuro asked flatly.

"Mukuro, don't be exactly half of an eleven pound black forest ham." Junko admonished.

"What does that even mean?"

Junko readied herself,and started to run towards the fountain. More precisely, she started to run to the couple playing their games. The "Running Late" ploy always worked like a charm, Junko just cursed the fact that she didn't have a piece of toast to stick in her mouth to complete the effect. She reached the two, and deliberately, but discreetly, hooked her foot on Chiaki's, causing her to tip and fall face first into the ground. Junko would do anything for love, even that.

"Junko?" Chiaki asked in concern.

"You know her?" Hajime chimed in.

"Oh, Chiaki!" Junko said, "I'm so sorry, did I interrupt anything?"

"Uhh…" Hajime vocalized.

"Oh, I did, didn't I? I'm so sorry." Junko proceed to search herself, "Hold on, I think I have something to make it up to you."

"That's not really …" Chiaki began but a white envelope was shoved under her nose.

"Oh, it's not any trouble for me, Coffee houses aren't my thing, really. The fanciest I ever take my coffee is whatever they sell at the donut shop."

Both Chiaki and Hajime were hesitant, but they eventually relented and took the envelope through sheer force of Junko. Junko bid them a farewell and head towards the main building.

* * *

All this talk of coffee had made Junko crave a cup. She sat in the Dining Hall while waiting for her sister to catch up. She used this brief reprieve to fix herself up from the fall she had taken earlier.

"So, why did you go through all of that to give them a coffee coupon?" Mukuro asked as she went to sit next to her sister.

"Ah, my little Muku-" Junko started.

"I'm the older twin, remember?" Mukuro sighed.

"And yet you understand so little!" Junko said, as she whipped out a pair of glasses and put them on. She didn't need them, she just thought they made her look a bit clever.

"That particular coffee shop is in range of 3 different Pokéstops, with no less than five En route from the school to to shop. There's an arcade 5 meters out from the coffee shop, It's a gym with a couple of Pokéstops in between them also. I have taken a simple coffee date and evolved it into a Mini pokemon journey for both of them!"

"How did you even get all of that information?" Mukuro asked.

"I asked Chihiro to crack the app for me," Junko said plainly, "You have no idea how much I plan these things in advance."

Mukuro sighed, but she smiled. Despite her snark, she was glad to see Junko happy. Junko's obsession with matchmaking was odd, but at least it was healthy.

"Alright, Muku, what else is on our itinerary?" Junko asked.

Mukuro took out a small notebook and started flipping through it.

"Where should we start?"

Junko adjusted her glasses by pushing them up by the rim (Again, she didn't really need to, But Junko was a bit of an otaku).

"We just got done with Hajime and Chiaki, so let's start with the rest of their class."

Mukuro nodded and started looking through the notebook.

"Starting with existing relationships we need to check on, We have Ibuki Mioda and…" Mukuro Squinted at the notebook, "Question marks? What the hell?"

" Oh yeah, I put that down because the bastard keeps changing their identity." Junko explained, " I mean, I can't blame them, It is their talent after all, but it makes my job so much harder to get them together time after time. It's like 50 first dates, except no one has amnesia and the quirky one is actually funny."

Mukuro paused, as she usually did when Junko went on her rants, "So…"

"I'll check on them, If they're still posing as Ryota Mitarai, we're good." Junko said, "What else do we have?"

"Sonia Nevermind and Gundham Tanaka."

"They're fine, She's weirdly into the occult, He's chuunibyou, They're a match made in…. Hell, I guess… Is Kaz still bothering them?"

Mukuro shrugged.

"I'll have to look at that. Speaking of, How are our problem cases?"

"Well, Kazuichi is still too infatuated with Sonia to be responsive to anything."

"I'll have to look into the reserves again, maybe there's someone there." Junko sighed, "And Nagito Komaeda? Any progress on him?"

"Uuhhh, No, there's not really anyone who matches him on your index."

"Aw, That's sad." Junko lamented, "You're making me sad, Mukuro."

Mukuro just shrugged uselessly.

"You'd think that being Ultimate Luck, some girl would just fall on top of him," Junko leaned back in contemplation, "Maybe Mikan would be a good choice for him… Nah, that sounds unhealthy as heck. What do you think, Muku?"

No answer.

"Mukuro?"

Junko looked to her sister, who was staring straight ahead. She still held the note book but it was obvious that she wasn't reading it any more. Junko examined her sister quizzically. She waved her hand in front of Mukuro's face to no response. Mukuro's steely ex-mercenary gaze was fixed to her target. Junko tried to trace her sisters line of sight to see what she was looking at.

Junko saw Makoto Naegi, her class's Ultimate Luck, fumbling with his lunch. Poor guy, whereas Nagito's luck placed misfortune on others to benefit him, Makoto's luck worked in the opposite direction. Junko really needed to find someone for him. So, Why was her sister staring at the cute little luck bagel? Unless…

"Oh my gosh…" Junkos said, her eyes as wide as dinner plates, she then glomped her sister, knocking her out of her trance, "Muku! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Uh…" Mukuro vocalized, trying to find her bearings in this conversation.

"You like Makoto, don't you?"

Mukuro blushed and quickly release herself of her twin's bear hug, "I-I have no Idea what you mean. He's just some loser, isn't he?"

Junko wagged a finger at her, "Muku, that's not a nice thing to say about your future boyfriend!"

"I just said-"

"It's no use, sis, I can see through you like a piece of plastic wrap!"Junko gushed "Oh, I've waited for this day to come! Ever since we reunited, there was nothing greater I wanted to do than to set my big sister up with someone!"

"Junko, please…"

"Ah, ah! I won't take no for an answer! Operation: Puppy Love is a go!"

"Did you seriously come up with that?"

"Well, You worked with Fenrir, and Makoto's basically the human equivalent of a puppy dog, so it fits!"

"Junko, no.."

"Junko, yes! You won't regret this Muku! I just gotta make the necessary arrangements."

Junko ran out of the dining hall, more pumped up than ever, leaving Mukuro to lay her head on the table.

"I'm already regretting it."


	2. Chapter 2

Makoto Naegi didn't really mind being the Ultimate Lucky Student in his class. The lack of any real talent left him time and room to help his more talented classmates with whatever they needed help with. Sometimes it got rather degrading, mostly when he was forced to be an aide to either Byakuya or Celeste. At least he didn't have to wear a tux when he was Byakuya's aide.

Today was a weird one, in a series of weird days when you go to Hope's Peak. First, Sayaka asked him to come with her to the music room to Demo a new Single, she and her group were working on. The moment is kind of ruined once you get Non-Disclosure Agreements, but it was understandable. For some reason though, he felt like he was being watched. Well, he always felt like he was being watched off and on, but now he felt it with more intensity.

Then, he helped Kyoko with a 'case'. Which was weird because it felt like a wild goose chase. Kyoko noticed that any 'clues' that were there were obviously planted. Makoto told Kyoko about his feeling. Kyoko advised him to go back to his dorm and that she will come and get him if she needed him.

Now, he's walking to the fountain, because a mysterious message that was taped to his door and sealed with a Black-and-White heart told him to. He didn't know why he felt the need to follow it. Perhaps he was that trusting, and Kyoko was right, or it could just be that it was better to do as the message said and not risk what would happen if he didn't.

He had gotten to the fountain and spotted another one of his classmates sitting there: Junko Enoshima.

To be honest Junko kind of scared Makoto. Her gaze always seemed to go straight through him. It must've been something part and parcel with being the Ultimate Analyst. This was only worsened during the last few days, where Junko would look at him with a crazed look in her eye.

Junko didn't seem to notice Makoto. Instead she was writing in her notebook, wearing her purely aesthetic glasses. Her usual Rose-blonde Ponytail was blowing in the breeze all tied up with a red and white bow.

"Makoto!" Junko greeted looking up from her notebook, " You came! Come on, have a seat."

Makoto obeyed, despite feeling a cold wind of killing intent blow past him. He looked to Junko to see that she was just smiling nonchalantly. Someone was definitely watching him and they definitely did not like the fact that he was sitting by Junko at this fountain.

Junko closed the notebook, "So, Makoto…."

She mulled over the name for a second and started to list other nicknames, "Big Mac, Mac book pro, Makyutie...-"

"Ah, Just 'Makoto' is fine," Makoto interrupted, he really did not want to relive the one time he met Genocide Jack (or Jill, as he found out, depending on her mood). He lucked out when he was saved by an errant sneeze.

Junko giggled, "Fine. Makoto, Do you remember what my talent is?"

"Uhh…" Makoto vocalized, questions like that tended to lead to strange things for him, " You're the Ultimate Analyst, right?"

"Yes, that's what my school record says," Junko started dramatically, "But I feel like I'm something more noble, like my analytic abilities are just what allows me to bring two people together. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

Makoto paused to wonder what it was with his classmates and giving him random quizzes.

"You want to be a matchmaker, right?"

"Makoto, don't be a myopic chihuahua,"Junko admonished, "I don't WANT to be a matchmaker, I AM a matchmaker."

"Oh," Makoto vocalized, "Uhh…"

"I've spent so much time trying to find a match for everyone, and then I realized something: Am I ever going to find a match for me?"

"Umm…" Makoto said, nervous because of the increasingly cold air he felt around Junko, " I-I mean, you always seem to be talking to the Neurologist in the class above us."

Junko scoffed, "Mr. Snarky pants? As if! He wouldn't know love if it jumped out of the pages of his manga."

She smiled predatorily as she inched towards Makoto. The air growing even more deathly cold as she approached.

"I think my type is more shy, helpful, perhaps a bit unlucky and most of all, optimistic."

That's it, Makoto was going to die. He didn't know how or why, but he could feel it in his bones.

"What do you say, Makoto?" Junko was practically rubbing herself on him, "Do you want to be my little hope bagel?"

A knife flew in between the two, separating them. Makoto's eyes followed the knife as it embedded itself into the fountain. Looking back from the knife, he saw Mukuro Ikusaba, holding a knife in front of Junko's eerily calm face. Her very presence made Makoto's blood run cold.

"Oh, hey Muku! Took your sweet ass time." Junko said, way too casually for someone with a knife in front of her face.

"Get. Away. From him." Mukuro said.

"Yeah,yeah, no need to be so dramatic," Junko said as she got up from the fountain and stopped beside Mukuro, "By the way, I just love the whole protectiveness thing. Keep it up!"

"Junko..."

"Love you too, Sis! Bye!"

Mukuro slouched and let a breath out. The air around the fountain got considerably warmer. Oddly, this was not the weirdest thing Makoto saw during his time at HPA.

Makoto coughed, "So… Um…"

Mukuro froze. She was straight out of 'Soldier Mode' and had just realized that she had not only just threatened her younger (twin) sister, she probably made herself look like a monster in front of Makoto.

"Thanks for the save back there… I think," Makoto said, "I have no idea what Junko was trying to do back there, so… yeah, thanks."

Mukuro wanted to respond, but only found herself trembling.

"Mukuro?" Makoto called, "Are you alright?"

Mukuro's trembling worsened.

"Come on, have a seat. You're not looking well."

Makoto led Mukuro over to the fountain, and had her take a seat. Makoto sat himself right next to her.

"Feeling better?"

"S-stop it!" Mukuro yelled, maybe a bit too forcefully.

"Huh?"

"S-stop being so nice… I'm fine.." Mukuro muttered as she averted her gaze, "I just need to gather my thoughts."

"Oh, Okay, That's fine," Makoto said.

A full minute passed in awkward silence. Makoto just kicked his feet, waiting for his friend to compose herself.

"So…" Mukuro finally said, still facing away from Makoto, "Have you heard about Pluto? That's messed up right?"

"What?"

"That was stupid, forget about it!" Mukuro yelled again and then sighed, "Sorry, I-I don't know how to start conversations."

"Ah, I get it, I have the same problem sometimes," Makoto replied.

"What? But you're, like, everyone's friend! Even the guys who hate other people like you!"

"I think it's because I'm Non-threatening."

Mukuro tilted her head.

"Look at me," Makoto deadpanned, "I'm the human equivalent of a puppy."

Mukuro swore she heard Junko cackling from wherever she went off to. Probably not far.

"But that's okay. It just means I can help others out when they need it. I could even help you if you wanted."

Mukuro blushed, "W-why would I need your help?"

"I don't know, you're the Ultimate Soldier, right? I could do something like keeping your ammo stocked or replace your targets. I could even help you train! I mean, I don't look like much but Sakura says I make a good coach."

"Again, why?"

"Well, We're friends, aren't we? I mean, I'd like to be." Makoto blushed a little.

Meanwhile, Junko was monitoring the soon to be couple through a pair of binoculars. She was grinning like a mad woman as her ploy was a complete success. Mukuro was always the protective type, and most times, protectiveness led to jealousy. All Junko had to do was press that button a little too much, and of course get her big sister into 'soldier mode'. It was brilliant.

"I did not expect that Mukuro would be so tsundere, though." Junko mused to herself, "Nice touch, sis."

"So, this is why you sent me around the school with Makoto, chasing nothing."

Junko looked to see Kyoko Kirigiri, the Ultimate Detective, standing behind her with her arms crossed.

"Oh hi, Kyoko!" Junko greeted, "Am I that-"

"Yes, you are that obvious." Kyoko said, taking a place beside Junko, "What kind of nonsense is this?"

Junko handed the binoculars to the detective and watched as the detective observed.

"Hm," Kyoko vocalized, "I didn't expect Makoto to be Mukuro's type."

"To be honest, I was starting to wonder if she even had a type."

"I'm to assume that this was your doing?"

" Naturally."

"Very well, then, I wish them the best."

Junko perked up when Kyoko said that. Kyoko's voice was stoic as ever when saying that. Yet several flags went off in Junko's head. Kyoko returned the binoculars to Junko, as she was about to leave.

"Kyoko~" Junko sang cutely.

Kyoko's eyes widened. She knew that tone, it usually wasn't good for the person it was directed at.

"Junko, I don't know what you think you heard, but I can assure you that you are mistaken."

"You're jealous, aren't you?"

"Don't be absurd," Kyoko's voice was steady, and devoid of any perceived tells.

" Don't think you can fool me, Kyoko, you should know better than anyone how futile that is," Junko said with a smile.

Kyoko grunted and averted her gaze. Of course she knew, the two had similar talents, albeit Junko's was more generalized. Junko also had a quality that made people say too much without even realizing it.

"So, Who're you jealous of?" Junko asked playfully.

Kyoko didn't answer. She didn't need to answer.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Junko squealed, a sparkle in her eye, " You don't even know, do you?"

"I'm leaving."

"Kyoko!" Junko called out, "Don't go! I've always wanted to try a threesome!"

"Phrasing!" Kyoko shouted, already heading inside, "Goodbye, Junko!"

Junko gave chase. Kyoko might be playing shy now, but Junko relished a challenge.


End file.
